I’m Behind. But Behind Who, Exactly?

I want to be further than I am.

Not in age – in my professional life. I’m 44 and I want more. More momentum, more earnings, more proof that this is all working. I feel behind.

“Behind what?” my heart asked quietly. “Behind who?”

“My own expectations,” said my mind.

“Ah. Expectations,” my heart replied.

So let’s talk about those.

The average age of a woman starting her own business is 42. I started at 36. Yes, I burned out and went back to corporate for three years – but that time wasn’t wasted. It gave me cash flow I could invest back into myself. I paid for expensive coaching with global leaders in the field. I had time, peace of mind, and zero revenue pressure to experiment, learn, and deepen my craft.

When corporate started to feel overwhelming and unfulfilling, I left. Back to business. Wiser, I hope. More aware of how and where I spend my energy.

And it has only been five months since I re-emerged as a full-time CEO.

Five months.

Yet somewhere in my mind, five months should already be an empire. I post a minimum of twice a day. I update my website, respond to comments, produce digital products, track analytics, develop better strategies and skills. I re-activated my Stress Free Women Facebook group, run daily lives – and at the same time, I’m teaching and doing the actual work.

And still that creeping voice: you’re not doing enough.

Because, there’s also the newsletter I “should” be writing, sitting patiently at the back of my mind, slowly spreading its weight down onto my shoulders. Growing heavier with every day I don’t write it…

Expectations. Impatience. The need for instant results.

I want it all now.

I see you, my love. My beautiful step-skipper. You move fast – but life has its own pace.

Here’s what I do when I notice this pattern taking over: I write it all down. Everything I’ve accomplished in these five months. Everything I do in a single day. And at the end of each day, I name my blessings – every task I managed to complete, however small.

That practice fills me back up. With self-appreciation. With self-trust. With the quiet knowing that I am moving forward.

I have no boss to tell me I’m doing well. So, I have to tell myself. Because if I don’t, my mind will happily fill that silence with everything I didn’t finish, everything I didn’t do. And that story isn’t true.

The true story is this: I am doing fantastically. I am exactly on time.

And so do you!